Our Flag Means Something

In 2014 I went to a local football game on a Friday night.  It was a great game, but something bugged me that night that I couldn't shake.  The next day, I penned this public letter:

Dear Young Person,

I lost sleep over you last night.  That's probably weird to hear, since you don't know me.  I was the mom in the family that was standing near you during the National Anthem at the game.

You see, as my family was standing with our hands over our hearts and our eyes on the flag, I noticed that you and your friends were not.  Instead, you were laughing, joking, poking, and in general doing what young people love to do.

At first I was angry and offended.  Then I felt sad for you, because I realized your behavior was probably NOT due to a lack of respect and recognition, but due to ignorance.  I'm not calling you stupid--I think you just don't know.

You don't know that my husband is in the military.

You don't know that of my daughter's fifteen birthdays and Christmases, her dad has missed seven of them while serving our country.  Yes, you read that correctly.  Nearly half of her birthdays and Christmases have been spent without a father because he's been elsewhere serving and protecting America.

You don't know that since my kids were little, we've flown a flag on the front of our house to remind us why we are making these sacrifices.  When they were in kindergarten and preschool, in an effort to explain WHY, yet again Daddy was gone, I'd point to that flag and explain to them that it represented all of America:  YOU, your family, your friends, and how their Daddy had the important job of helping keep EVERYONE safe.

You don't know that to my husband and the other men and women who serve our great country, that flag represents all of their sacrifices and hard work, or that YOU matter to them.  I watched last night as my husband, a man who has likely coached you or your friends in a sport, tried really hard to ignore your fun play during the anthem.  I saw his shoulders sag just a bit, and it broke my heart.

You don't know that even as I write this, my family is aware of an upcoming deployment and another long separation.  You don't know that we cling to symbols like the American flag as a way to ground us and give us hope.

So maybe that's enough for you--just hearing one family's story.  Maybe the fact that you have a classmate with a parent who serves will be enough to help you recognize that standing for four minutes respectfully is the right and easy thing to do.

Honestly, I want more for you than that.

I want you to understand that in America's darkest moments that flag has been a symbol of hope and freedom.  I want you to remember that picture you saw of the flag in the 9/11 rubble and I want you to talk to your parents and grandparents about how that picture made them feel.

I want you to understand that the flag represents the abundance of freedoms and rights offered to you as an American citizen:

The freedom to attend church where you want to (or to not attend church at all).

The right to a free education.

The right to make your life ANYTHING you want it to be.

The freedom to speak your mind, even when you disagree with me.

The freedom to gather and protest peacefully.

The freedom to put into office the person you believe will best represent you, and the freedom to disagree with that person.

The list goes on and on and on.  You only have to watch the world news for one evening to realize these are not available to your counterparts in other countries.  Did you hear about the young people in Iran ARRESTED because they made a fun video using the song "Happy"?  Google it.

I want you to understand that thousands and thousands of men and women have served our country for YOU--America's future..  Many (too many) gave their lives for you.  They all pointed to and trusted in the promise of our flag and what it represents.

I want you to join me in attention and respect during our National Anthem because you recognize what that flag represents, and you are proud of it.

Look, maybe you've never considered this stuff before.  Maybe you haven't had a parent, grandparent, or teacher explain exactly what our flag represents.  Maybe no one has ever told you that proper etiquette during the National Anthem is to stand at attention facing the flag, remove hats, and put your hand over your heart for the entire duration of the song.  I get it.  I feel like we (the adults in your lives) have failed you in this area, and I feel so terrible about that.

So now you know.  You don't have all the information, but you certainly have enough to make a decision and take action.  You have enough to start your own research on our flag and what it represents.  

I hope that at next Friday's game, I see you standing respectfully alongside my family and me for the four-ish minutes it takes to play the National Anthem.  I hope that you'll continue to have your fun afterwards, because what's not to love about a good home football game on a Friday night?  I hope that you'll share your new-found knowledge with your friends, either by sharing this post, or in another way.  Maybe you're a student leader and you'll come up with a fantastic idea to share this information with your school.

I really hope so, because that flag represents you, too.  You are America's promise and future, and America needs you and the amazing things you are going to do with your life.

Sincerely,

Just One Mom

Since this letter was written, my husband missed two more holiday seasons in his service to our country, and two more birthdays.  That's nine missed birthdays in  my daughter's nineteen years.

In the last few years a whole lot of attention has been given to the behavior of some football players during the playing of the national anthem, increasing awareness of flag etiquette.  As a result, people in America are talking about what our flag means, how it should be used, and how to respond to our flag appropriately.  

I love it.  I love that people care enough to have the hard conversations.  I love that people love their country enough to wonder  and ask questions and take stands about these things.  I have always held that the reason our flag is so special is because it represents freedom for ALL Americans, including the ones who disagree with me.  While I would never choose to not fully engage with our flag during the Pledge of Allegiance and national anthem because it means so very much to me, intentional and thoughtful protest that doesn't disrupt others is, to me, evidence that the values our flag represents are still active and present.

And yet, we still seem to be missing knowledge about the most basic flag etiquette:  how to respond to the flag when it is presented, how to rise and face the flag, what's expected during the pledge.  It's evident every time we say the Pledge of Allegiance or hear the national anthem.  You can see it at the beginnings of events, at parades, and at the beginning of athletic contests.  I STILL firmly believe that this isn't happening because people are choosing to be disrespectful.  I really think they just don't know, and I think society in general has failed to teach these things.

Last week I had the opportunity to share a very brief version of our military family's story with a bunch of really cool 4H kids and some of their families at our morning meeting during Fair.  I was impressed by the way they listened, took me seriously, and applied the information I shared with them for the rest of the week.

And on Saturday night before our Fair's auction, I watched nearly every person in the barn stop what they were doing, face the flag, and show honor and respect during our national anthem.  It was a beautiful thing.

I hope these young 4H members carry that respect forward into their school and athletic events.  I hope they continue to be the leaders I know they can be.  I hope they share their knowledge and respect with others.  I hope they grow to love and cherish our flag and what it represents.